"Thoughts on Thuggery" 
by Ethan Collier
THE TRUTH ABOUT MICKEY MALONE
As Told By His Most Trusted Employee, William Akers

 

"Mr. Malone has never spent a night in jail and he never will," said William Akers. "And you know why? Because he's just an ordinary Joe trying to run and ordinary business."

He said this with such conviction that for a moment this reporter honestly thought Akers was talking about somebody other than Mickey Malone, the notorious gangster. But I was standing on the porch of Malone's getaway home at Moon Lake, having bushwacked through the thick brush from the east side of the lake to avoid detection and probable eviction by his bodyguards. And I was talking to the man who, according to the police, is the only person Malone trusts.

"I oughta know. I see him every day," Akers went on. "He doesn't deserve all the grief you newspaper hacks give him. He's a rich man because his laundromats are fine establishments and people like to wash their clothes there. All this talk about him being a bootlegger is hogwash."

When I asked if I could talk to Malone, Akers said Malone was out walking. "Like I said, he's an ordinary guy who likes to do ordinary things."

When I asked if I could wait for him, he said, "What for? Anything you want to know about Mickey Malone, I can tell you. I've worked for him for fifteen years."

What I said all I wanted was the truth, he said, "Then you're in luck. Because that's what I've just told you. And now I suggest you leave. Mickey's a swell guy, but he's got these four big dogs, see, and sometimes they don't mind so good."

I took the hint and left. But as I struggled though the brush to get back to my car, I realized something. Akers hadn't told me the truth about what Mickey Malone did, I know that. But he had told me and important truth when it came to what Mickey Malone was- someone who had at least one extremely loyal employee.

I ask you, good citizens of Philadelphia, how many so-called legitimate businessmen can say the same thing?